I Have OCD, But It’s Not What You Think

I have OCD.

Obsessive Comparison Disorder.

It was one of those things that I did not even realize that I was doing.

Self-sabotaging all the good in my life by measuring myself to people, things, and places that are incomparable.

Why can’t I play an instrument while she can?

Why haven’t I traveled more?

Why does that blog get so many likes?

Why do I have to wait so long to see any outcome in my life’s work?

Why don’t I have friends like he does?

Why do I have so little money when it seems like everyone else is swimming in the stuff?

Why?

Why?

Why?

As these questions swirled through my head, I lost sight of what made me special- what separated me from all of the rest. Sure, there are some things out there that others have mastered while I still struggle, cry, and fight to complete. But there are other things that I know that I was born to do.

Why let the beautiful talents go to waste in the shadow of the being that I compare it to?

I am talented at a great many things. Wanting to learn and master new skills is just evidence that I am alive- breathing, yearning for more, striving to be something greater than myself. Knowing that perfection and learning hardly ever coincide is evidence that I am confident in my abilities and comfortable in not being the best. 

Let us bask in what makes us truly special and worthy in this world- whether that is painting, singing, knitting, smiling, photographing, making a pie, cooking, laughing, reading, writing, running, helping, drinking tea, comforting others, studying, facing our fears, etc.

My contribution to the efforts of stopping the plague of comparison is found in here in a short story that I wrote because I know that this is my passion, my worth, my very being and that it does not matter if it is not the best out there- it only matters that I mustered the courage to write and share.

keep dancing,

xx rachie

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