It has been a while since I last wrote. A great deal of magical things have happened since then. Not so magical as I rubbed an enchanted lamp and now find that all my wishes have been granted, a different kind of magic. It is pre-magic and personal magic at the very same time. The game pieces have been shifted on to new colored blocks, positioned in a fashion that can make way for the ultimate checkmate. What I mean to say, Reader, is that though I may have not been able to secure my dream job, a recurring event these past few months, I know that all the experience that I have been through is just molding and shaping my future into what it is supposed to be.
It is really hard.
Reader, I know that you are but human too. You say, “of course it’s hard” with such nonchalance hoping to mask the feelings that you have had once before after grand disappointments. More than being difficult I think that it is also wearisome. Finding a job, a secure job, post- graduation is in fact wearisome. It has come to the point many a time when I just feel like giving up just for the fact that I will no longer have to write extensive cover letters, letters of intent, send transcripts, interview via phone a multitude of times, and any thing else that could possibly eat away at my time.
All I want is for someone in the world to believe that I will be a good teacher.
I am a quiet person by nature. I am soft-spoken, sensitive, and empathetic. All of these characteristics have been criticized in interviews calling upon my not being able to command a classroom or manage difficult students. I swallowed the criticism like a jagged pill. It was not until I made my trek home from my interview, battling cold weather and a loneliness that only a large city can bring a person, that I realized that these qualities that I have are what make me special. They make me, me. If the world needs anything, it may be a warm, soft-spoken person ready and willing to listen. One who does not match confrontation with a raised voice, but with patience. I do not want to change who I am for a job.
I do not want to be excluded for a position for all of the things that I am not.
I want to be a teacher, Reader. I think that it is perhaps one of the most marvelous and under appreciated positions that this world has. I want to inspire children to write. Knowing how much writing has impacted my life is a golden nugget of experience that I hope to pass on to my students. I want to teach students how to read. But more than that, I want to teach students why reading is incredible, why it is so valuable, why with reading, the world is a much more beautiful place. I truly believe that I can do these things, I just want someone else to believe that I can as well.
I may be disheartened, but what drives me is knowing that, when hired, I will change the world.