Yesterday left me wishing that I was a child again if not for the simple desire to be wrapped up, after a warm bath, in snuggly pajamas and tucked into bed. I am always jealous of the peace children have when they sleep, they have no worries, no fears, nothing to eat away at your mind while waiting for sleep to briefly take over your consciousness. I spent most of my day yesterday hurriedly trying to accomplish things. Studying, working, meetings, preparing for interviews, applying for more positions, all culminated to a spinning head and teary-eyed fussiness around 9:30 pm.
I know deep down that I would never trade the life that I lead to live my life as a child again. I have far more power and freedom than I did as a child, which is both terrifying and electrifying at the same time. I am capable of making my own decisions for myself, for my life, and for my future. But, with making those decisions I also create my own consequences, both the good and the bad. Those times, the ones where you really cannot seem to make up your mind about a decision, or are scared pantless because of the things you find yourself doing, are the ones that send me running to the land of childhood nostalgia.
Truth be told, Reader, is that I have a very important (to me, at least) job interview coming up. I have interviewed for positions before, but never for an position of such magnitude. I am finding that the closer that I step towards graduation, the more difficult, challenging, and worthwhile, the positions are that I apply for. What makes me want to hide under the bed and not come out is the fact that the interview is in another state, which is something that I have yet to face.
Maybe it is part of fearing the unknown, be it the interview process or my traveling to the interview in a city that is a stranger to me that is causing such distress in these past few days. Granted, I am excited to go. I see it as a wonderful adventure with endless possibilities. Maybe it is just me putting pressure on my self to get the position. It is truly something that I desire, something that I know that I will be good at, something that I know that I will love.
I have been packed since Sunday. The day will come when I will leave on my great adventure, everything else comes with time. Childhood is the time in which we spend fantasizing about who will we become; our young adulthood is the time in which we spend making those dreams come true.