I am not a Princess?

If you had told me when I was 13 or 10 that one day, far in the future, I would be befuddled because of the challenges that are engender to preparing to graduate from college, I would have laughed in your face. College?, I would have questioned. I don’t need that because I’m pretty sure that when I turn 16 my grandma will unveil that I am the princess of some tiny country and whisk me away on a grand adventure.

16 came and went without being told that I am the heir to a throne.  Phooey.

Back then I dreamt of being that princess with Julie Andrews as my grandmother who would teach me how to wave and I would finally get my foot-popping kiss. Now, I simply want to know what pellucid, castigated, obfuscate, and pecuniary mean. Because, obviously, those words are used all of the time, especially in graduate school and especially amongst graduate school students. False. I work with grad students who are working on their PhDs and they talk like me about dumb stuff, like candy.

The GRE is such a bully. It stole my milk money and left me with a shiner, crying in the corner of the playground.

At this time I have not even a clue where I will be in 6 months. In the country? Traveling? Working? Studying? Being awesome? Or begging for spare change on the sketchy corner outside a McDonald’s because I just had to major in Psychology?

Where exactly is my seatbelt? I can already tell that this is going to be a bumpy, crazy ride.

So, my dear inner ten year old who is still dreaming of princesses and nursing a healthy crush on Dick VanDyke, brace yourself to learn that one day you will spend your hard earned money on GRE books to help you study (they actually lower self-confidence and make you feel like poo, but maybe I’m using them wrong?), you will knit to pass the time and calm your nerves, and you will try your very hardest to be the best you you can be always coming just inches short of going absolutely crazy.

One day you will wake up and find bags under your eyes because one night you were up too late trying to mold a new step in your race to success. Those will go away eventually. Thank God for that because you look a little too much like John Mayer. Every opportunity is challenging. But when it comes to making a decision to take part in something, ask yourself “Do I like this?” if the answer is “yes” then do it with your whole soul. It will make you tired and you will cry when you drop your laundry bag/phone/everything else in your hands for no other reason than that you are tired. You could care less about that laundry bag. It is pink and tattered and was something that you bought when you were just a wee lass ready to take on the collegiate world.

Whether you, you ten year old little me, become a psychologist, an author, a teacher, a lawyer, or  a journalist, never ever ever stop writing. Hold on to it with all your might. It will be the only thing that ties you down to the world and simultaneously releases the chains of your soul to be set free.



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